I hate it when i badtrip!

I am snickering silentlly to myself. As is typical in any adapted transport vehicle, we are all sitting in silence. A 50-year old couple is with the driver and I–a gentleman sitting in a wheelchair is strapped into the would-be passenger seat (though he doesn’t rock it like I do.) And again, as is typical, we’re all pissed off. The driver because he is now even more behind in his route. I am typically sympathetic to the drivers–there was a time while I had a driver’s license–but similarly to EVERYTHING that I enjoyed, be it people, places, or things, life wouldn’t ever consider giving me a break. So, despite the fact that he was already 30 minutes late for my pick up, his arrival was met with a clear apology on my behalf. The reality of my situation is that unless you live it EVERYDAY, you don’t really understand. It’s nobody’s fault. MS is a case-specific illness. One of the many problems that come with my MS is that it has left me incontinent. There are measures I employ to keep this out of the public eye (catheterization and wearing diapers). Neither system is flawless, and as such, I am subject to the occasional mishap. And so it was at the best possible moment–as I’m preparing to leave for my 30th birthday celebration–that I had my first mishap. I’m over the fact that I have been rendered incontinent by my MS. It nevertheless remains an awkward subject for most. So, screaming a profuse apology, I informed the (already upset) taxi driver that I was sorry but that I was in the midst of righting that mishap. Meanwhile, the other couple is understandably upset, as their appointment time is rapidly approaching. Lets recap real quick–1 p.o.’d driver, 1 p.o.’d couple, and me. The three of us are all upset–and the core of the issue is that all three of us are left simmering with NO ONE TO ASSIGN THE BLAME TO. People need to come to some resolution when things run amiss. But I can’t be blamed for my disease. The other couple isn’t to blame either. And the taxi driver is certainly not responsible for the almost 3rd world state of the roads in this city. Resolution? I wish–there is so much that I must leave unresolved–the fluctuations in my energy level have left me with no other choice but to adapt to the changing world around me while simultaneously adapting to changes brought on by my illness. I’m understandably tired. And now I’m tired and left with this problem that I see and can do nothing about.

-A.D

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